The Family Today
I am not among those who praise the old days and speak of the decline of the present, but this does not mean that EVERYTHING modern is good and a progress; it can also be bad and a regression.
Certainly, material well-being and more—freedom, democracy, equality, and rights in our society—are good things, and if I could have chosen in which era to live, I would certainly have chosen our own. However, when it comes to love and family, I start to have my doubts about the new model that has overturned one that lasted millennia in every place.
From a social point of view, I see the demographic decline, the reversal of the age pyramid to which we pay little attention but which can have catastrophic effects in a few generations on our entire world.
From the perspective of individuals, I see a general distress, a tragic loneliness that seems linked to the instability of family and love (I connect the two things). We are beings who live in society, which is primarily the family. I believe in the natural joy of loving and being loved by a spouse, the smiles of children, life together, walks, celebrations, and anniversaries.
It is true that the family entails indefinite care, but it is precisely this care that fills life, which otherwise appears empty.
As I said, I do not think the current generation is worse than previous ones, as throughout history we always find this refrain, back to Cicero, Socrates, and Homer. Probably, in prehistoric caves, they said the same thing. Good and evil are present in every era, in every nation, and in each of us.
Therefore, I do not believe the current generation is worse than previous ones, but what has changed in the last 50 years is the way of relating between men and women in love, which does not seem to me to be progress. Everywhere, I see difficulties, failures, and therefore unhappiness, and I cannot say whether the way of relating in the past was more in line with human nature, if it gave more stability, satisfaction, and happiness than it does today.
First of all, love forms the family, the continuation of life, which for every living being is the most important thing. There are children to raise, educate, and settle. Then, disappointed love can bring great pain, personal tragedies, sometimes even leading to suicide or crimes of passion (now defined as femicide).
Now it seems one can change partners as if they were clothes.
In the past, marriage was decided by families, and love was thought to be the effect of marriage. From the romantic 19th century, the concept reversed, thinking that love should be the cause and marriage the consequence. In the last 50 years, the idea of premarital relationships has spread, that a trial period of living together is needed before formalizing the union much later. In theory, marriages or stable unions should be more stable and happier than in the past, but it does not seem to be so. Judging by the number of failures, it does not seem that the system is better than previous ones, quite the contrary.
If love is the cause and marriage (union) the consequence, then it is essential to distinguish between love (that lasts) and infatuation that passes.
I doubt that the heart (the emotions of the moment) can distinguish infatuation from true love: in reality, the former can be stronger than the latter. The true distinction is duration, and this can only be judged in hindsight (in practice when it is useless to know). I have seen people who were literally madly in love, and then that love disappeared like fog in the sun, and vice versa, others lasting and strengthening over time.
Experience shows that arranged and even interest-based marriages do not necessarily fail, and those of love do not necessarily succeed.
I certainly do not think we should return to the system of the past, recent or remote, which is no longer possible, but there should be moderation and prudence in reformulating and reconsidering the current system.
It is also true that love only sometimes lasts a lifetime, but it generally transforms into marital affection, which can be an even stronger feeling: one cannot change partners as if they were clothes. The failure of the family is the failure of one’s life.
Sex without love, as an expression of a physical need, can give pleasure, but sex as an expression of love gives the joy of living.
Sometimes couples only have sex and promise not to want love, but almost always one of the two falls in love and wants exclusivity, wants EVERYTHING, and then the tragedies begin.
By family, we mean both the nuclear and extended family: in recent times, the nuclear family has gained more autonomy, but it certainly does not cancel the extended family. Family includes not only the spouse and children but also parents, siblings, daughters-in-law, and especially grandchildren. Moreover, children are now, as always, educated not only by parents but by an entire environment.
However, even with the emergence of the nuclear family, children need the love, stability, and cooperation between parents. And it is this priority that seems no longer understood and considered.